"Fear is the mind killer." - Frank Herbert.
The more I contemplate my life and the decisions I make now and have made in the past, the more I realize that fear controls me. For example, I could have the left the apartment to go to a pub or coffee shop in the off chance that I might get to socialize with people. I'm aware of the rationalizations now that I use to avoid situations that I'm afraid of. Truly the only way to get over fear's control over me is to face it. Where fear would dictate a particular course of action to avoid it, I must choose to act in spite of the fear. It's the only way to properly honour this incredible life I've been given.
I'm realizing more now than ever that I crave courageous action. This all falls in line with my recent discovery that I want to live an authentic and courageous life. I hate letting fear have so much control over me. The fears are numerous, and it may be I haven't identified them all yet. I'm going to allow myself that ignorance for the time being because I've already identified enough fears to conquer over a lifetime. The fears that bother me especially are the social fears: fear of rejection, primarily, and fear of failure. I don't like that feeling because it makes me feel trapped.
I must give myself some credit for the tiny baby steps I've made so far. Some things don't concern nearly as much as they used to. I acknowledge my progress, and am glad for it. At the same time I realize there is much more to my potential and I've only just started scratching the surface of the real life I want to lead. The key is to give myself permission to do the things I want to do.
