Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Actions are King

For the past five months I've been keeping a checklist of actions I've taken that support my long term goals of living simply and sustainably. Memory has a tendency to apply a rather flattering bias when recalling our past-selves, so I like to take notes on what really happened to set the record straight. I do this to confirm that the small steps I take from month to month lead me to where I want to be several years from now. It's all part of laying down the foundation for bigger change down the road. I imagine when I reach that point in the not-so-distant future I'll look back and marvel at how far I've come. Is that an arrogant thing to think? I'm not sure, but it seems to be a common occurrence these days. When I look back on who I was not even a year ago, I see that I've made real and significant progress.

During a visit to my brother's house, I walked over to the first, and only, house that I owned. My brother and I each built our homes at the same time about seven years ago. It's surreal now to think I used to own an entire house, and that I was the only occupant for most of the time I lived there. I don't deny that I have many great memories of that place. Indeed, for a time my identity was quite tied up in the fact that I'd built my own home. In the end, though, it is just a house and it's not the type of place I want anymore. I felt relief as I looked at its disheveled lawn and unkempt yard, and gratitude for finding the courage and foresight to sell it to open my life to grander adventures.

I don't know if it has to do with my age, or maturity, but I am far more comfortable now with slow, steady progress than I was ten years ago. I was a lot more impulsive and impetuous during my university days and if I wanted to change some aspect of myself or my lifestyle, I would dive into it head first, become immersed in the change for about a week or so, and then drop it out of exhaustion or boredom. That's a kind of wisdom that has to be earned I think, if the student is willing, and I realize now that steady and incremental changes in my behaviour lead to lasting change. It's far more effective than trying to change a half dozen major aspects of myself all at once, and far less tiring. I'm sure everyone who's reading this blog has personal experience trying to hold oneself to a litany of New Years Eve resolutions, only to see them all crumble away after that brief surge of post-Christmas willpower sputters and falls to the wayside.

Willpower is a funny thing; from my magical studies I've learned that willpower should be effortless, and not the 19th century Victorian clenched jaw kind that may come to mind. However, willpower shouldn't be used to instill long lasting behavioural change. It should, instead, be used to reinforce habits which are far more effective at modifying behaviours over the long term. A small action, such as five minutes of meditation practiced every morning as part of the morning routine, becomes habit quite easily, and willpower steps in on those mornings where I really didn't feel like it. Those incremental changes, applied slowly and one at a time, really help to instill positive habits. This is just one example of how my conscious choice of actions impacts my life. What can happen, and most often does because life is like that, is that another person's decision or series of decisions will have an impact on my life that I didn't expect. Case in point: meeting my girlfriend. It's been a wonderful experience meeting and getting to know her, and it's had a an effect on my plans for the months to come. This is where staying flexible and detached from outcomes really helps.

All of our lives are made up of decisions, small ones for the most part, and the effects of decisions made by other people. Truthfully we have little absolute control over the direction of our lives. Happenstance, fate, and destiny have a part to play in our lives that, I think, many of us would like to forget about. It would be a cruel world, though, if each person were solely responsible for their lot in life. Those who succeed like to think that they've earned that success solely through the results of their actions, and their actions alone. It's human nature and its ego that encourage that way of thinking. It's also comforting in a sense to think that the less fortunate "earned" their place in life because of poor choices that they've made in the past, rather than accepting that perhaps they were just dealt a shitty hand in life, and no amount of hard work or effort will really change that. Circumstance has a large part to play in all of our lives.

I used to be a firm believer in the concept of meritocracy, but I realize now the world is not so black and white as that. Yes, people who work hard will tend to see some success from all of their efforts, but there are others who work just as hard, if not more so, and yet never seem to catch a break. Here, as in all aspects of life, outside forces play a part in weaving a complex fabric of cause and effect. A man born in Africa who toils under a punishing and corrupt regime, trying to make a better for himself and his family, I would argue, works just as hard as a middle class, white collar, database administrator born and raised in the Greater Toronto area. Neither person choose the circumstances of where or to whom he was born to, nor how the influence of the society and culture they grew up in would affect him. All that each person can hope to do is focus on actions that have an effect on his immediate situation, and perhaps over time, incrementally change the situation in which he finds himself.

For my part, I choose to act in the ways that I have some control over so that I can try to get there. Thankfully the journey itself is quite satisfying and stimulating, so whether or not I reach the destination I have envisioned has less importance than it could. That falls in line with my trying to let go of attachment to outcome. It's better to act according to my values, and let the chips fall where they may. This breeds a way of thinking that tells me that whatever may happen, I can handle it.

I am happy with the progress I've made so far this year. I have things planned out to February of 2014, and I'm sure they'll change as the months go by according to what I'm doing and the circumstances at the time. Being adaptive and flexible will serve me a lot better than slavish adherence to a to-do list of items that my past-self planned knowing little of the future. That's a pretty major change to my personality and outlook, I believe, and I'm certain it's been influenced by the literature I read regarding our uncertain future. Whether or not we face a long societal decline, staying adaptive to whatever situation I find myself in certainly won't hurt.

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