Spent a few hours today at the BC Royal Museum. They had a large exhibit on dinosaurs, as well as historical and ecological info about the province. It was a great visit. I treated myself to sushi for dinner; the fish is so fresh here! I also stopped by Solstice Cafe for an hour or so to have my green tea and read some more of The Druidry Handbook. I wanted to see if Druid spirituality dealt with grieving, or saying goodbye to loved ones. I didn't find anything, but I think the book I have is more of a cursory introduction to Druidry, rather than a comprehensive tome.
I've been spending my evenings watching podcasts of D&D being played. It's really got me itching to play again, and I want to get back home where I can start producing some material. I'm also looking forward to working on the D&D episodes that my friend and I are writing and producing. It'll be good to be back with them to continue that project.
Visiting Victoria has been a great experience, especially since I've done it on my own. There is a lot of freedom that comes with travelling alone. I like that a lot. Right now, I feel very unsettled. It's as though I'm hovering in a no-man's land between my old life and the new one that I'm settling in to. Part of the problem, of course, is that I'm living out of a hotel while I'm here. I would certainly feel a lot better if I had a place I could call home. I have met some people that could be friends in the future, but for now it's all very tentative. I love the climate here, and the natural beauty is beyond compare. What I need most is some stability in my choices: where I want to live, who I want to associate with, what I want to do for a living and what I want to belief spiritually.
As I said at the beginning of this blog, my values are evolving. Hell, even my willpower is improving. I had a sudden craving for ice cream late at night, and I was tempted to head down to the local grocery store to pick up a pint and basically pig out on it. I was just about to head out the door when I stopped myself. I turned around, sat back down at the desk, and started some writing. I found the craving had subsided. Now that's a neat feeling; having that kind of control over my impulses.
I'm standing up for myself, finally. I had an issue with a good friend of mine over an extra being used in our film. This extra has treated me poorly in the past, embarrassed me in front of my friends, and violated my physical space. I told my friend that I didn't want this extra in our film because I was uncomfortable around him. My friend responded, understood my plight, but asked that I give him a chance for the sake of the film. I understood where my friend was coming from, and truly, this extra is harmless when he is sober and not goaded on by his retarded friends. I let my friend know that I would give the extra one chance, and if that he did anything that I was uncomfortable with that I'd leave immediately! I've NEVER done anything like that before! The crazy thing is that my friend didn't flip out. He totally understood and supported me. I've been laboring under some very wrong pretenses my whole life. It felt sooooo good to actually speak my mind and stand up for myself.
There's been a lot of personal growth lately. I think it's a little disorienting. What I have learned from this trip is that I crave fellowship, I love to create, and I want to help others. I always knew that I loved being in natural surroundings in B.C., and this little adventure has confirmed that. However, when I think of reasons why I want to leave Winnipeg, it basically comes down to weather. If the winters weren't so miserable, I think I'd be quite happy to stay there. There are strong family and friend ties there. I've just started establish community roots as well with the volunteer work I did this year. I know I could make new friends wherever I chose to move, but I'm just not sure if I want to go through all of that. Something I need to be careful of is expecting a move to Victoria would fix all the little "problems" I think I have in my life. Things like low self-esteem, lack of confidence, fear of acting boldly, and standing up for myself are all the big ones. These are all issues that will follow me wherever I go. Everyone deals with them to some degree. I just have to realize that moving isn't a panacea. That being said, the experience of moving and setting up somewhere far from what's normal and comfortable can definitely help overcome some, if not all, of the aforementioned issues. There is much to be said about pushing oneself out the comfort zone. It's concrete proof that I could handle a difficult situation, that I could make it on my own. I think perhaps just for the sake of getting that experience, that moving is a worthwhile venture.
Oh! I've been giving some thought that perhaps moving south of the border might be a very interesting adventure. I'm thinking specifically of Seattle... If I were to move there, I'd have to definitely brush up on my employable skills. I'm sure that would throw everybody off. Heh.
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