It's been another wonderful day on the island. I got a bit of a late start today (heading out at about 10:00 am) and went to the local Thrifty's grocery store to buy some smoked salmon and yogurt for breakfast and lunch. I took my food and biked down to Beacon Hill to eat among the trees and the gardens. As I was leaving, I stopped to ask directions from a young woman who was also eating her late breakfast/early lunch in the park. We got to talking about how I'm considering moving to the island. I've found, overall, that the people here are quite friendly and approachable. It's an encouraging sign.
I hopped on my bike and decided to follow the scenic sea route that traces the southern tip of the island, heading east towards Oak Bay. I stopped occasionally at the beaches along the way, checking them out to see how they all compare with one another. They're all great, really. It's nothing but pure blue sky here and bright sun shining on sand and pebble shorelines with all sorts of driftwood.
I took a break to snack on some salmon and water after reaching a marina that was located just north of a large, and very busy, golf course. It was funny, actually, watching a dozen geriatric golfers wend their way through the manicured course. I suppose they'd retire the clubhouse, or one of the very nice houses nearby for a light lunch, followed by t.v. and a nap, perhaps. During my break, I received a call from my landlord, wondering why I hadn't submitted a renewal form for my apartment. It was due on August 30th... whoops! Totally forgot about it. I'm going to try and get the issue resolved before I fly back to Winnipeg, but I've been assured that I won't return to find that they've rented my apartment to someone else. I'm glad I got in good with the management there.
After my short break, I decided to visit Oak Bay Village, the kind of quaint shopping mecca that one could find in Banff, or any main strip of a small tourist town. I decided on this route as well because Oak Bay Ave turns into Pandora, and Solstice Cafe is on Pandora. I wanted to stop in there for some tea. More on that later. The strange thing about coming to the village is that there was really nothing for me there. Now that I'm done with mindless consuming, it essentially negates the need to visit 99% of the stores out there. I did stop in a bookstore to see what they had. Unfortunately, it only sold new copies of books, and I've seemingly turned into a reverse snob where I'm only really interested in buying used. I will make exceptions for books that I really, really want and can't be found "pre-loved."
I stopped for about an hour in the village, sitting under an oak tree in a small piece of green lawn in front of some bureaucratic building. I ate my lunch, and then read another chapter from The Druidry Handbook. This chapter was about the rituals Druids are encouraged to perform during the solstices and equinoxes of the year. I have quite a bit of experience with rituals, having practiced the Golden Dawn rituals every day for over two months now. How it's described in the book is that rituals are a type of performing art, and when executed proficiently, can evoke some pretty profound emotions and feelings in the participants. It's much like a poem that gets to the heart of the reader, and can sometimes encourage a shift in thinking and perception. The opening and closing ceremonies are very interesting to me, especially the part about the sword! Ha!
I packed my stuff up and rode down to Solstice Cafe. I ordered the same drink I got yesterday, green tea, and sat down with my book The Long Descent. I like reading there because there is lots going in the cafe and it lets me people watch when I need to take a quick break from the book. There are some very cute ladies that work at the cafe. I complimented one on her cowboy boots; they really were nice boots. I've noticed that my perceptions have definitely shifted over the past year, because when she told me she got them at Value Village I didn't bat an eyelash. In fact, it made sense to me! A year ago I would have judged harshly for that. In any case, it was a friendly chat and I want to get into practice with that again. I'm not actively looking for "someone." I just want to be comfortable talking to people, whether they be close friends, or strangers I happen to run across at the park.
I spent the afternoon at the same beach I was at yesterday. It was much busier today, I think perhaps because it's Friday. Lots of families, and couples, and groups of friends. I went down without phone or book this time. I wanted to enjoy the chilly surf, the sun-baked pebbles and the bright blue sky. After baking for a bit I decided it was time I wade into the water to cool down a bit, and give my face and chest a break from the sun. I waded in, turned around, and laughed out loud when I saw "FUCK HARPER" written in huge black letters on the sea wall. Apparently someone was disgruntled. I couldn't help but recall a quote from Gandhi that I read in The Long Descent and that was "Be the change you want to see in the world." It's a very powerful message, and one that I agree with a great deal. I wandered up to the wall, and noticed that some of the driftwood was charred. I found a good sized chunk of charcoal, walked up to the wall foundation below "F-Harper" and scrawled "Be the change."
Earlier in the day I decided to take my new Victorian friend's advice and go to a restaurant at James Bay Square that served excellent mussels. I'm glad I went! I love the seafood here: local, fresh and delicious. I flirted a bit with my server, too, and again got to talking about where I was from and why I was in Victoria. Thinking back on it now, it's amazing that I actually talked to three female strangers all in one day. There was a point not too long ago where I would have frozen up at just the thought of speaking to a woman I didn't know. I'm taking the easy route here, to an extent, because I did strike up conversation with a couple of people who job it is to be sociable. I give myself full points for approaching the woman in the park, however.
After dinner, I headed back to the hotel for my jacket. I was going to wander about Wharf St to see Victoria in its nightly splendor. I also wanted to get a bit of a feel for what the town was like after the sun went down. Outside the hotel I'm staying at, I walked by three men who were having a smoke in the parking lot. The entire encounter is a bit of a blur in my mind, so some of the details may be missing. In any case, one of the guys said "hey there, big guy. What's up? What's going on?" I replied with some nonchalant response, and feeling friendly, asked them if they came to the James Bay pub often. That's when things got weird. The same one who had hailed me said something about them being there all the time, then all of a sudden added "you're cute as fuck." I was smiling from the conversation, and I think the expression froze on my face. Sure, in a way, it's flattering, but now all I was thinking was that I wanted to leave. I definitely knew I wanted to leave when I thought I heard the words "prison bitch" and "bar of soap." That's when I said "no thanks" and promptly left. The three continued chatting and chuckling after I left. I felt vulnerable and threatened after I had a few moments to process what had happened. I regretted telling them I was staying at the hotel here, and I was tempted to just lock myself in my room and wait until the safety of sunlight before venturing out again. I didn't give in to my fear, however. I didn't let one strange encounter scare me from enjoying my evening as I had planned. I went out.
I know to some that none of this would be a big deal, but to me it was. I was quite shaken up, my confidence especially. I started wondering if I should learn some way of protecting myself, or if I should start to learn something about street smarts and knowing how to deal with people like the three in the parking lot. They intimidated me, and I was ready to act from fear as I had always done in the past. This time was different though. I shook it off, and headed out. I ignored the emotional reactions, realizing that it's impossible to know everything, and that I will always be vulnerable to something. I cannot make myself immune to harm and danger. That would hardly be a life worth living, in any case. Always working from a position of fear, trying to minimize the danger and pain, never really dedicating my short time in this life to the things that I want to pursue.
So I went out, watched a couple of buskers, marveled at the pretty lights of the downtown area, and then headed back to the hotel. I noticed today that I was keenly aware of my being alone. This is a feeling I must learn to be ok with. I mean truly ok. I had a bit of an anxious feeling as I went for dinner and to explore the city at night, but I decided to not let that feeling control me, and everything turned out alright. I think, after three decades, I'm finally starting to get some control over my emotional reactions. I choose how I act, I don't let my immediate emotional reactions decide for me. It's liberating, ironically enough.
Wow these posts are long. I'm beginning to realize these blog posts are essentially ideal candidates for a LiveJournal site. Oh well. I'm here to share my thoughts openly, because they're worth sharing.
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